My Holland

Why Isn’t Everybody Smiling?

When the whole world gets a kick out of seeing people smile … when even medical experts say it takes less muscles to smile than to frown … it’s sort of weird to know that some cultures actually frown on smiling. You know what they say … truth is stranger than fiction. And it’s true. Some societies do not encourage casual smiles. In Russia, it is said there is an old proverb that translates into something like “Smiling or laughing for no reason is a sign of stupidity.” And, this cuts both ways. When these people come visiting to the U.S., they would most often think it odd to be smiled at by total strangers. The Big Question : Why? A recent report by Kuba Krys, a psychologist at the Academy of Sciences in Poland provides some answers. His paper says that in some countries, smiling is not perceived to be a sign of warmth or even respect. It is seen to be a sign that you’re a fool, a fool out to trick people. Krys focused on a cultural phenomenon known as “Uncertainty Avoidance”. Countries which generally rate low on this scale would have their social systems (i.e. social security, health care system, safety nets, etc.) unstable and shaky. Ergo, people would view their future as being unpredictable and erratic with very little control. So, when you come right down to it, smiling being a sign of certainty and confidence, people who would smile in these places with lowly-rated Uncertainty Avoidance would look odd. After all, why would you be smiling when your future looks like an invisible vulture waiting to eat you up? You might, in fact, under these circumstances be seen as a fool or stupid for smiling. They Don’t Smile In Corrupt Countries Either  This expert psychologist went on to hypothesise that in corrupt countries, smiling would also be frowned upon. When everybody’s trying to fool you into a scam or pull one over one another, you’d never know if a person’s smiling because he’s got good intentions or because he’s trying to fool you. Testing The Theory To validate his theory, Krys had thousands of people in 44 countries judge a series of 8 smiling and non-smiling faces on a scale of honesty and intelligence. He then compared the answers against the country’s rankings on Uncertainty Avoidance for a study of 62 societies and ratings of corruption. What he found was that in countries like Switzerland, Germany, China and Malaysia, the smiling faces were rated as significantly more intelligent than those people who were non-smiling. On the other hand, in Japan, South Korea, India and Russia, the smiling faces were perceived as being significantly less intelligent. So What Does This Tell Us? It would seem that there is a strong correlation between how unpredictable a society is and the tendency to consider smiling as unintelligent. But let’s face it, at the end of the day … what have you got to lose by smiling. Smile and the whole world smiles with you!

Why Isn’t Everybody Smiling? Read More »

Biaises and mindfulness. How’s Your Social IQ?

There was a time during the pre-historic age when life was plain and simple. You wake up. Hunt for food. Cook (sometimes not), eat, sleep and go through the whole routine all over again the next day. When your spouse and the kids complain about the food. No fuss. You just stop them with your stone club. End of discussion. Today, it’s a bit complicated. You wake up, you worry. You buy and cook food, you worry. You eat, you worry. You sleep, you worry. And then you try to go through the whole routine the next day but you can’t. You’ve gone bonkers! Between striving to lead a reasonably comfortable life, pursuing a successful professional career and chasing that proverbial rainbow of happiness stands an ugly pitcher throwing curve balls at you morning, noon and night. How do you go about squarely facing something like that? Social Intelligence. How To Heighten It. Roughly, social intelligence is about our ability to manage our emotions, listen to others with an open mind, inspire our fellow humans and colleagues, express ourselves with confidence and a whole lot more that helps us to become a better person rather than a psychopath. So, it’s essential to get this social IQ to a high level. It’ll improve our sense of well being and strengthen our attention span. In short it’ll help us to improve our lives significantly. So … Learn About Mindfulness To Bring Our Social IQ Up There. As research about mindfulness is widespread, it has been shown to work wonders on that part of our brain which regulates and controls our emotions. How that works in real life is that it enables us to tone down our biases. Usually, we face life and our world through bias of a mindset. If we’re a finance guy, for instance, we’re into dollars and cents. If we’re in love, we look for a rewarding reciprocation. A sales person? It’s that hunt for a deal or signing of a sales contract. Nothing wrong with relying on these “biases” in order to analyze and solve problems but not being aware of doing so can sometimes blind us to a wider and richer range of social goings-on that may be unfolding in our midst. Mindfulness helps us to notice and appreciate the bigger picture that crops up when we look beyond our biases. Practice Meditating. Sit Still For 15 Minutes And Meditate. Learn to become aware of our “biases”. You can do this by meditating and letting go of your thoughts. Try achieving a state of thoughtlessness. It’s fundamental to developing a mindfulness discipline. Over time, with practice, this technique can expand powerfully into our everyday life, enhancing our ability to “de-bias” and in turn, focus our “unbiased attention to what’s going on around us, manage our emotions better and help us see the world as something good and wonderful. So, raise your social IQ! It can’t hurt you any.

Biaises and mindfulness. How’s Your Social IQ? Read More »

Feedback: Is It Good Or Bad?

You’ll be amazed at how many people are averse to getting a feedback after their presentation or a lecture delivered in front of a group of attendees. The smart ones, of course will take whatever feedback or review they can get. They know it will help improve the effectiveness of whatever it is they’d want to impart in their future presentations. The thing with good, old fashioned feedback is that it’s typically associated with something negative. Most persons would perceive it as a criticism, something painful. It’s seen as something that says “You didn’t perform well enough.” Or worse, “You weren’t good enough.” And yet, the whole purpose of a feedback is precisely to provide some personal reflection on how you fared with your presentation and to create an opportunity for some self-improvement. Heck, some feedback can pretty well say “That was a terrific presentation,” period. So, wouldn’t that help you see the good side of an honest feedback? In any case, with many of us still associating stigma with feedback, it should help to use our social intelligence to bring about a more positive and useful perspective from any kind of feedback. Here are some realities about feedback that’ll help us to understand its dynamics and expunge its negative implications: People put more importance on feedback when it comes from individuals they know, a colleague at work, a peer or a boss. The operative phrase here is “mutual respect.” When a feedback comes from someone “like us” or a friend who respects us rather than a foe, it becomes easier to accept the feedback whether it’s good or bad. When the feedback is about the process or content and not the person, the pill is usually easier to swallow. Doing this will have the recipient see the feedback not as a personal attack and therefore not react in an emotional way, in anger or defensive behavior. The last thing you’d like to happen is to create resentment or a grudge in the other person. The person giving a feedback should be empathetic. Be aware of the other guy’s mood and demeanor. The poor man may be going through bad times (financial troubles, death in the family, etc) and telling him his performance isn’t as good as it could be, could cause his confidence to go further downward. Put some focus on the future. Generally when giving feedback we’re so much into what happened in the past. Envisioning how things could be positively different in the future could provide the push for a favorable change. These are some guides that should help in giving more encouraging feed back to your team members. Remember though to give them a big pat on the back as well when they’re doing a great job. It’s easy picking someone for poor performance but give credit where and when it’s due. It makes everybody feel good when given the chance to rise above others and shine.

Feedback: Is It Good Or Bad? Read More »

You Don’t Need To Feel superior To Be Happy

Don’t go around believing that misery loves company. It doesn’t. You may think a lot of people who are feeling down would take comfort keeping the company of other unhappy people or even people less smarter than them. No. They don’t. In a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, it was found that happy people are less influenced by comparisons between themselves and others. In other words, happy people, whether feeling superior or not, couldn’t care less who they spend time with. It could be with the members of the literary club or the Future Nuclear Physicists Association or some less intellectually endowed people. The Research That Backed This Up In a set of studies, a number of South Korean undergraduates (whose pre-determined levels of happiness scores were high or low) were asked to imagine they got an inferior grade on a certain test. They were then asked to envision a friend who, either scored better on the same test and had a happy disposition, or a friend who scored badly and was generally unhappy. These research participants were then requested to report whether they wanted to hang out or chill out with which friend and what their expected over-all mood would have been after spending time with either. The Findings The happy guys/gals, those who had high degrees of happiness, were keener on spending time with the friend who was “happy and scored well in the test” and felt they would have been happier, chirper after spending some time with him. On the other hand, the unhappy participants didn’t show any preference for either friend. So, what does this say? It says happy people are more likely to socialize with happy but superior, smarter friends. They are not uncomfortable with those who are more intellectually superior than them. They feel spending time with a happy friend is a much better, more rewarding decision. After all, as the research further adds, happy people are more generous, more helpful and more cooperative. They would tend to regard their friends in a more favorable light, are more attentive, pretty friendly and warmer. By and large, they have this light-hearted mood that is infectious, the benefits of which usually rubs off on us. It’s been said and proven often enough: happiness spurs success in our lives. So go out and be around happy and high performing friends. Be happy!

You Don’t Need To Feel superior To Be Happy Read More »

Emotional Manifestations That Can Kill Healthy Teams

There is an old Spanish saying “Mi casa es su casa.” (My house is your house.) Put in the context of working with people in the office, it transcends simple hospitality. It goes deeper to mean that what I am, what I have, my skills, my background and experience are yours for our team to utilize. If that isn’t the spirit of teamwork, I don’t know what is. In today’s business world, an attitude like this takes on great significance, as pretty much everything we do is done with others in a group. And when we do it effectively and well, with the rest of the team working with one another for a common goal, success becomes inevitable. Sadly, for one reason or another that “rugged individualism” idea almost always gets in the way. This along with some companies’ divorcing their teams from rewards and compensation leads to good teams withering on the vine and worst, team members or leaders begin to feel free to engage in some bad behavior leading to dysfunction. What Not To Do With Your Team Members Whether you’re a team leader or a member, what follows might help you “not do” these common mistakes that produce big cracks in good, healthy teams. Here are the don’ts: Don’t stick to your guns. It’s a bad phrase that says … we do it my way or the team can go take a hike in the highway. Don’t ruin the team by being single minded and being obsessive about how to get things done. Listen and consider the other team members’ ideas. Don’t go looking at the glass half-empty. If you go around messing with the team members’ minds by focusing on everything that could go wrong and being the “voice of doom”, you’ll be contaminating them with your negative emotions and cynicism. Adhering to this kind of feeling will guarantee killing the trust, enthusiasm, creativity and joy that are important to the group’s success. Don’t be insensitive to the people’s feelings. Care about them by being considerate and thoughtful about how they see things. Appreciate their insights, their background and intelligence. You’re not the only smart guy in the team (and even if you are, don’t flaunt it.) Don’t bully your team members. Don’t start taking immediate action on your impulses and feelings. Instead, apply your emotional intelligence. Filter what you say or do. Given the stress that people work with in today’s extremely competitive business environment, it’ll be great for the team if you were to blend and work well with each member. The don’ts are emphasized in bold letters for the simple reason that these are the known most common mistakes team leaders and some team members do in meeting the challenges of their companies. Regrettably, with team dysfunction. these teams fell short of their goals. Go over them again, then avoid them like the plague!

Emotional Manifestations That Can Kill Healthy Teams Read More »

viTiếng Việt
Scroll to Top

Contact Us

Simply complete the form below and we’ll get in touch with you, normally within 24 hours.

Enter your email address to download the Retooling Your Mindset eBook!

You have successfully subscribed to the newsletter

There was an error while trying to send your request. Please try again.

EQuest Asia will use the information you provide on this form to be in touch with you and to provide updates and marketing.

Enter your email address to download A Brief Guide to Happier Workplaces eBook!

You have successfully subscribed to the newsletter

There was an error while trying to send your request. Please try again.

EQuest Asia will use the information you provide on this form to be in touch with you and to provide updates and marketing.

Enter your email address to download Take a burnout test!

You have successfully subscribed to the newsletter

There was an error while trying to send your request. Please try again.

EQuest Asia will use the information you provide on this form to be in touch with you and to provide updates and marketing.

Enter your email address to download the EQuest Asia Brochure!

You have successfully subscribed to the newsletter

There was an error while trying to send your request. Please try again.

EQuest Asia will use the information you provide on this form to be in touch with you and to provide updates and marketing.

Enter your email address to download your document!

You have successfully subscribed to the newsletter

There was an error while trying to send your request. Please try again.

EQuest Asia will use the information you provide on this form to be in touch with you and to provide updates and marketing.

Thank you for sign up! Enjoy your download.

Thank you for sign up! Enjoy your download.

Thank you for sign up! Enjoy your download.

Thank you for sign up! Enjoy your download.

Thank you for sign up! Enjoy your download.